Tuesday, 4 October 2011

Minion of Misery

I have very good news, I have been chosen.  I know, it's exciting to know your Cherry Neko is a chosen one.  But the real question is, will she use this power for good or evil.  After all even villains think they're saving the world...and I bet they like cupcakes too.  Wait.  I've got this wrong.  It doesn't mean I've got superpowers, but it does mean that Little Gothic Horrors has named me as a Minion of Misery.  I suppose that's just as good and it means I don't have to get out of bed to do it.

So here it goes, Minion of Misery Cherry Neko, REPORTING FOR DUTY!

My favourite dark book.

I should choose something like The Picture of Dorian Gray or Interview with a Vampire because these are two of my favourite dark books of all time.  But I am drawn to another book today.  Simply because I've recently read the latest instalment and then started from the beginning again.  The wonderful, the funny and genuinely original Skulduggery Pleasant.  I'm choosing the whole series though.  Skulduggery Pleasant has recently knocked Anne Rice's the Vampire Chronicles of the top as my favourite book series of all time, and Skulduggery's also easily become on of my favourite characters of all time.  It's a book aimed at teenagers and young adults, but it is "dark".

"You're still upset about that time I made you explode, aren't you? I can tell."

The main character, Skulduggery is a detective who just seems to belong in an old detective movie.  He as wit a that pours through every sentence that comes through his mouth, a quick trigger finger and a slight temper that goes with it.  Plus as everyone who's ever heard the name Skulduggery knows, he is one dangerous man...skeleton.  Just don't get on his bad side.

What makes the book series dark though? It's the characters.  A bespoke tailor who knows how to box, but Ghastly Bespoke is more known for the terrible scarring all over his body that he has because of a curse.  Then there's Doctor Nye (a really eerie character that doesn't show up until book 5), it (never a she or he) is a very tall thing with really long limbs, dead like skin and a huge scab for a nose.  It works in the underworld with an apprentice (the headless horseman).  The horseman travels dead bodies between the two realms and ensures that Doctor Nye never tries to escape.  Doctor Nye, spends its days cutting up the bodies of the dead and removing organs to try and find out, just what a soul looks like.  There's a scary seen when he does this to one of the main characters while they're still alive.

There's also more classic style characters, like the Necromancers (a religion that live in temples and would rather study how to become immortal, than fight), then there's the vampires.  These vampires don't sparkle.  They don't just fall in love and become the sweetest creatures in the world.  These vampire's shed their human skin at dust to become pale hairless "animals", and they have a blood lust that would rival even most vampires I read about.  There is one vampire who tries to fight the disease because he loves anoter character, but this love is not a whiney emo love that tends to literature today, its basically stalking and obsessive.  The zombies are briliant too.  They're not like your typical zombies, once they're awaken from the dead they can pretty much hold up a normal conversation al long as they don't eat flesh (that's when they become mindless zombies), but they do still decay after death at a slightly slower rate than the dead.  Ok I've prattled on enough, people should just read it, then come and tell me.

My favourite dark movie.

I'm a huge fan of film (I majored in film studies all those years ago), so choosing one film is pretty damn hard.  I love all films (well most), from all decades.  I love Nosferatu (1922), and the Universal Monsters have always managed to put a smile on my face, then there's Dracula (funny Buffy version, Gary Oldman being a nice piece of eye candy and an awesome actor, and then there's Christopher Lee (in Hammer we Trust).  There's classic Hitchcock, and weird Lynch, there's Wes Craven and Carpenter.  Gah!  Choosing is hard.  So I'm choosing this, simply because I've just watched "Wishful Thinking" (mmmm Supernatural) and I'm in the mood for more Raimi.  The Evil Dead.  Ah, Bruce.  Ah, Sam Raimi.  Ah, crazy demonic antics.  The films terrible.  It's shot on 16mm camera, which is then expanded so much it becomes grainy (to 35mm I think?), the actors are basically college friends and the budget was a measly $400, 000.  Which is not a lot for a film.  However, none of that matters.  It's the fact it's so terrible that is makes it amazing.  Somehow, Sam Raimi made what should have a been a film so terrible it should barely be watchable and turned it into something so amazing it's considered art.  It truly is art in my eyes.  He hits every beat perfectly, and throws in so much gore it could make Eli Roth blush.  Forget the Splat Pack of horror directors, he is the splat master.  He took a simple concept such as reading from a book and bringing the dead back to life into something new.

Romero may have pretty much invented the genre, but it's Raimi who twisted it into something new.  I love The Evil Dead can you tell?  Just be glad I talked about evil dead you could have easily had a 10,000 word essay on Buffy the Vampire Slayer and why we should all bow down to Whedon lol.

My dark secret.

This is sooooo tough, because I really can't think of any dark secrets.  In fact I can't think of any secrets.  Although, when I used to work in a certain place, there was some I used to mini-hitler.  She was a horrible, horrible person, who had no respect for anyone, except those who she could brown nose to.  She pretty much believed that the place would fall apart if she wasn't there.  Now I'm not a horrible person, but I'm not a people person either.  I just don't like people who aren't respectful, and those people certainly don't get my respect.  (It sounds like a gangster thing haha).  Any way one day I was really ill (I think I had the flu), and the only reason I came in was because a friend asked me to come in for an hour then I could leave.  So I plucked up the spirit downed a lot of lucazade and lemsip and went in, only problem is half way through I started to vomit.  So I asked mini-Hitler to leave, she said no and tried to make me stay the whole shift.  So when she went on her break I decided to go home (with or without her permision).  I was in the bathroom when she walked in, she left her coffee on the window ledge (who does that any way ew), so while she was on the loo I may have spat in her coffee with my horrible after vomit spit.  I hate it when people spit, especially when they do it on other people.  It makes me sick thinking about it.  But I still think se deserved it.  That's what she gets for judging me on how I look and not who I am.

There we go, my dark choosing's.  I know it's a lengthy one, but there you have it.  I hope you enjoyed reading it, now it's my turn to choose some Minions of Misery of my own mwahahaha


  1. I suppose I'll spread the Misery! Thanks for the assignment! I'll get right on it.

  2. Woah that dark secret was JUICY! Haha sometimes you just need to take karma into your own hands huh? =) xxxx

  3. Way to go with the coffee thing! I have to admit, I probably would have done worse. Loved the nick name too!

  4. Well done, my little Minion of Misery! Mwah ha ha!!!

  5. @Kweeny ~ Ooh, I'll have to go and have a read of it asap!

    @Kiki ~ I'm not proud of what I did, but I am a little smug lol

    @Annie ~ Yes, the nickname was really suiting...all she needed was a tiny moustache. I dread to think of what you would have done haha.

    @Little Gothic Horrors ~ Minion of Misery here to serve, ma'am lol